The following day I started doing the love exercise Uranus had given me. I had never before done any emotional exercises so I was doubtful whether I could do it right in the first place. I decided to do it in the night right before falling asleep when one has already calmed down anyhow. I laid down and focused my consciousness on my heart. In my mind I started repeating the sentence: "I love everything in everything" and kept my consciousness in my heart. Then I started stroking my body slowly with my fingertips so that the movement started from my heart. I started from my head and then continued towards my toes. Soon I had reached my toes, and at least the exercise didn't make me feel bad. I relaxed and I think I fell asleep soon after the exercise. The following night I did the exercise willingly with the same result: my body was relaxed and my mind was calm. On the emotional level I didn't feel any changes and I didn't feel myself any more loving. I did know that I wasn't the most tolerant person but was one supposed to tolerate everything then? I certainly didn't want to be some gutless lump trampled underfoot by everybody! Furthermore, I thought we were supposed to make remarks to our nearest about their little faults and this way make them grow into better human beings.

I wanted to meet Uranus again and discuss with him the difficulty of loving. I had agreed to meet Anja after three weeks when my exercise period would end.
                                                       

October had changed to November, and one day I was on a commuter train from downtown Helsinki to my home. It was rush-hour and the train was almost full. At Pasila station, people were swarming into the trains as always, and I was looking indignant at a group of a few noisy young men who were pushing into the carriage where I was sitting. Well, the peace is gone now! I hope they won't sit on my bench, I thought. The youngsters remained sitting on the other side of the corridor, and I was looking at the one who was sitting closest to me. A long-haired trouble-maker, I thought, and then the youngster turned his head. Our eyes met, and warmth and great friendliness was streaming from his eyes at me. I got confused and I was thinking vaguely something along these lines: there sits a fellowman. The encounter was over in a flash, the youngster kept making racket with his buddies, and I stepped out after a few stops. But the incident kept bothering me and I realized something significant had just happened. I had never before thought that someone like him could be my brother! I had always avoided people like him and had thought: How low can you stoop? Get a grip on yourself!

                                           

Had the love exercise which Uranus had given me really begun to work? Somehow I began to realize that underneath it all there is good will and love in us human beings. When I'm cycling on the road, I can usually be confident that no driver will purposefully hit me. Or if an old person falls down or a child is crying in distress on the street, someone will certainly stop and help. I used to demand too much of people for I thought they were capable of perfection right from birth. First when I gave myself permission to see people's imperfection, I could see their divinity as well. Furthermore, I didn't find it disappointing anymore that I wasn't able to share my inner life with everyone or that people didn't always understand me. They simply had been practicing different things than I in their lives. I also found it nice that I didn't have to criticize my surroundings all the time comparing, demanding or judging; instead, it was easier to let people be the way they were. Plus I noticed that behind the so called good behavior, there could hide a cruder feeling than love. Couldn't, at its worst, the true motive of catering treats, listening to people's problems or giving presents be the responsibility of being a good friend? In that case, wasn't I serving my own image of a good friend rather than genuinely wanting to delight people?